A broken smile for a while…

At the end of January i: woke up with a strange feeling and some pain in my right ear and felt a bit dizzy. As the week went by there was more pain, discomfort, emotions and weakness. During my life i’ve faced adversities of many kind and i’m aware of that anything can happen at any moment. At the end of 2021 as well as the beginning of this year i: was experiencing an extreme amount of stress and i’ve thought that my body has finally given up. Each day it was harder to be on this Earth.

Wondered out to watch the sunset on the #AfterLife bench created by Ricky Gervais and there was this guy with a knife trying to scratch it and i’ve had words with him (c…!)  didn’t care what will he do as by that point i’ve thought that this was the end.

There is a lovely community that we built on twitter with Ricky (mainly cats, dogs, a towel and a taco) and as i: was sitting on the bench a lovely man called Tony reached out and encouraged me to keep going. By the next day i: was in excruciating pain and completely paralyzed on my right-hand side of my face. A lovely lady called Szilvia came to my home and she asked me to go to the hospital immediately as she was worried about brain damage/stroke. i: told her to go home i’ll fall asleep and if i: wake up the next day its ok if not that is ok too.

She didn’t leave and at the end i: agreed to speak to someone. My mates :peter: and :jez: pointed me in the direction of a holistic GP. She assured me that i: don’t have a stroke, but it was bell’s palsy and she advised me what natural remedies to take and the self-care/healing has started. i: stopped everything, walked down by the river each day, took some hot tea with me and sat there listening to relaxing music and meditation.

As i: was sitting there one day, a man and woman walked by with two pit bulls and the woman screamed at me: “Smile!” The whirlpool of emotions that went through my body, mind and spirit right at that moment was indescribable. It was like a lightning something similar to when i: learnt my mum took her life.

It was very hard for me to sit there and say nothing. Although this crucial moment was another life changing experience and right after this happened a loving dog called Sydney came by, stopped and wrapped his body around me, i: massaged his rear and cried. And from that day Sydney came to me whenever i: sat on that bench. It was pure love, acceptance and tolerance and staying in the present moment. My body healed much quicker than for normal human beings, but i: made life choices that is now creating my future. The best way i: can describe this experience that a space opened up with total emptiness like a blank canvas.

Right now i’m closing a huge era in my life and going to start fresh from nothing – how, where, when or what will happen i: don’t know and there is no need to know.

Each day is a new day for me, no matter how hard the previous day was, don’t plan anything and take each moment as it comes. And as long as i: can i: laugh as much as possible and have loads of fun and spread smiles to whoever is willing to receive it is a day worth living. We must learn to laugh at the face of adversities, because it is one of the best medicines out there. Have some stand up comedy gigs lined up to go and see, now i: can truly laugh. Ricky Gervais and Friends were absolutely hilarious, almost peed my pants, if you get a chance go and see him, it is a build up to his new show #Armageddon.

Keep smiling inside or out, there is always a choice to zero – our natural way of being. We have to be involved to evolve and make an effort to live. i: love you and thank you. These kind beings and creatures i; mentioned were all strangers and angels and i’m grateful. Peace of i; Always. xxx


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